With the release of season 4 of the Walking Dead première tomorrow, the zombie apocalypse fanatics are going wild after what seemed like an interminable waiting period. Now don't get me wrong, I like the Walking Dead television programme, and even the TellTale game was excellent in terms of storyline. What I don't like, however, are the incognizant dolts running around as damp as a sponge shouting, "OMG, I WISH A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WOULD HAPPEN RIGHT NOW"!
Because you don't sound like a budding psychopath at all!
Why? Why would you ever want something that would leave only 0.05% of the world's population alive? Better yet, what makes you think that you would be part of the 0.05% that survived? You would have a better chance of replacing Rick as the main character of the Walking Dead series than to survive 99.95% of the population dying off.
Do people really think that if a zombie apocalypse happens, they can go on these little escapades where you get to kill thousands of zombies along the way? Just think about a few things for a moment.
Do people really think that if a zombie apocalypse happens, they can go on these little escapades where you get to kill thousands of zombies along the way? Just think about a few things for a moment.
You Would be in for a Shocking Predicament (or Lack Thereof)
That's right, you wouldn't have any electricity. I don't know where most of you think electricity comes from, but without someone maintaining and managing the electrical grids and generators, there's no electricity. Do you know what this means? This means that you can't just go "kick some zombie ass" for a couple of hours and then post about it on Facebook.
What's that Smell?
It's you. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't like pungent odours, and that's exactly what I would be around in a zombie apocalypse. Since you can't stay in one location due to the fact that the zombies would inevitably find you, the best option would be to travel. Travelling to find a safe place means that you can't just bathe whenever you feel like it, especially when you have hordes of zombies following you. Just to give you an idea of how bad the smell would be, go into your refrigerator, take out some fish, and neatly place it on your couch for a few days. Smells pretty bad, right? Now imagine that, except all over the planet.
For those of you planning on making the apocalypse wasteland a shrine to carnality, think again. Do you know how bad humans smell without their deodorant and toothpaste. Every halitosis-ridden huff and lift of the sweaty armpit is enough to cause erectile dysfunction in even the most hormone-enraged teenager.
For those of you planning on making the apocalypse wasteland a shrine to carnality, think again. Do you know how bad humans smell without their deodorant and toothpaste. Every halitosis-ridden huff and lift of the sweaty armpit is enough to cause erectile dysfunction in even the most hormone-enraged teenager.
Sustenance is Not Around Every Corner
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| You will not be like Rick from the Walking Dead |
After a long hard day of murdering what used to be people, I'm sure you would be pretty hungry. Good thing McDonald's is still... oh wait, it closed down since the employees are either dead or trying to fight for their survival.
Since every farm and corporation no longer exists, how are you supposed to eat? Well, before humans became picky about their food, they used to hunt and pick berries. No more chips, fast food restaurants, or any of the other things you took for granted. If you don't like getting your hands dirty, then it looks like you won't be surviving for much longer.
Your Friends and Relatives are Relatively Dead
With only 3 million out of the 7 billion people on the planet remaining, of course you and everyone you know survived, so it's time to get this party started! Just kidding, your friends and family will more than likely be a rotting pile of flesh or a zombie meandering around the neighbourhood looking for you to eat. Assuming you survived, you would probably be all alone at first (which is just fine if you're a schizoid). For the more extroverted people, which is the majority of people, you would probably end up in a group of people you barely know. This group could be a nice group filled with philanthropists and the most generous people on the planet, but more than likely it's filled with rapists, psychopaths, and maybe a Columbian drug lord if you're in South America.
Now, before someone comments saying, "Well, not everyone is serious about that stuff, some of us are just joking", I understand this. But just because you are joking about it doesn't mean my next door neighbour with the machetes and rifles who decided to get a "head start" on the zombie apocalypse isn't. With all of that said, have fun watching the Walking Dead Season 4 première!