The Inevitable Life of the Amateur Rapper

They're keeping it 100% real... real raucous.

There is music that is meant to elicit an emotional response from the listener, there is music to increase awareness on an important event, there is even music that parodies other music, and then there's this...

This cacophony is called amateur rap music. Amateur rap music is prominent on every website where a user can upload videos or music, like SoundCloud or Youtube. The problem with most amateur rap music is that their music isn't unique. If the amateur rapper isn't trying to sound exactly like an already-illustrious rap artist, then the amateur rapper is stealing beats from them.

Calling most amateur rappers musicians would be like calling a kid who tosses a ball of paper into a trash can an NBA all-star. To give you an idea of what this music usually sounds like, imagine Lil Wayne's vocals with a King Harvest's "Dancing in the Moonlight" instrumental (which is exactly what Ray's song sounded like).

In this article, "Ray" will be used to represent the epitome of an amateur rapper. Now, the amateur rapper goes through 4 stages in their music career, with the first being the "Overzealous" stage.

With the excitement of starting something new, the amateur rapper is at the apex of his career. During this stage, the amateur rapper begins spamming photos of himself sitting in a stolen backyard DJ studio on the Facebook stream. Right now, the amateur rapper feels invincible, and nothing can bring down his good mood, nothing except for the "Discouragement" stage.

This stage begins when someone tells the amateur rapper that his music is rubbish. He then tempestuously goes on Facebook and tell his "fans" that he's going to keep rapping because he doesn't care about what anyone has to say, even though it's obvious that he does because if he didn't, he wouldn't have to tell everyone that he doesn't. Everything is down hill from here, and the "Doubtful" stage begins.

The Doubtful stage is exactly what you think it is. It's the time when the rapper doubts himself and his career. He begins to think that maybe everything he was doing was a waste of time, and even though he loves rapping, his career isn't working out the way he imagined (this imaginary rap career usually includes: 1964 Chevy Impalas, well-endowed women in bikinis, and a lot of money). At this juncture, there are only 2 routes the amateur rapper can take: they either manage to become an illustrious rapper or they continue being delusional and live in an imaginary world where everyone listens to their idiosyncratic music.

Amateur rappers should generally be avoided on the internet unless you want them to spam your inbox with messages about their latest "hit album". Even though a lot of amateur rappers don't have anything unique to offer, don't be deterred by this since it shouldn't keep you from at least giving their music a chance before doubting it, you never know if you might find something you like. 

Next Week: The Real Man Test